Commands tagged funny sorted by votes

Commands tagged funny (16)

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random git-commit message

Do a git commit using a random message. Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
"Just stop reading these for a while, ok.."
"We should delete this crap before shipping."
"Now added delete for real"
"fixed mistaken bug"
"Another bug bites the dust"
"Some bugs fixed"
"We'll figure it out on Monday"
```
17

git commit -m "$(curl -s http://whatthecommit.com/index.txt)";

paulera · 2016-05-04 09:51:18 34
Random line from bash.org (funny IRC quotes)

bash.org is a collection of funny quotes from IRC. WARNING: some of the quotes contain "adult" jokes... may be embarrassing if your boss sees them... Thanks to Chen for the idea and initial version! This script downloads a page with random quotes, filters the html to retrieve just one liners quotes and outputs the first one. Just barely under the required 255 chars :) Improvment: You can replace the head -1 at the end by: awk 'length($0)>0 {printf( $0 "\n%%\n" )}' > bash_quotes.txt which will separate the quotes with a "%" and place it in the file. and then: strfile bash_quotes.txt which will make the file ready for the fortune command and then you can: fortune bash_quotes.txt which will give you a random quote from those in the downloaded file. I download a file periodically and then use the fortune in .bashrc so I see a funny quote every time I open a terminal. Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
<Lev> have you SEEN the people who wear the I LOVE LINUX T-shirts....that does more damage to the OS than a billion microsoft blue-screens
```
7

curl -s http://bash.org/?random1|grep -oE ".*.*"|grep -oE ""|sed -e 's/<\/p>/\n/g' -e 's///g' -e 's///g'|perl -ne 'use HTML::Entities;print decode_entities($_),"\n"'|head -1

Iftah · 2009-05-07 13:13:21 17
display a smiling smiley if the command succeeded and a sad smiley if the command failed

you could save the code between if and fi to a shell script named smiley.sh with the first argument as and then do a smiley.sh to see if the command succeeded. a bit needless but who cares ;) Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
ls; if [[ "$?" = 0 ]]; then echo ':)'; else echo ':('; fi
linux linux-2.6.34-gentoo-r1 linux-2.6.34-gentoo-r5 linux-2.6.35-gentoo-r1 linux-2.6.35-gentoo-r2 snort_dynamicsrc
:)

rm; if [[ "$?" = 0 ]]; then echo ':)'; else echo ':('; fi
rm: missing operand
Try `rm --help' for more information.
:(
```
4

<commmand>; if [[ "$?" = 0 ]]; then echo ':)'; else echo ':('; fi

potatoface · 2010-08-23 20:35:31 14
commit message generator - whatthecommit.com
This is sample output - yours may be different.
4

curl http://whatthecommit.com/index.txt

nickoe · 2011-12-29 22:35:28 4

Read funny developer comments in the Linux source tree

These are way better than fortune(6). Show Sample Output

grep -2riP '\b(fuck|shit|bitch|tits|ass\b)' /usr/src/linux/

h3xx · 2011-07-27 23:11:02 8

Display a random crass ascii art from www.asciiartfarts.com

Optionally, pipe the output into http://sed.sourceforge.net/grabbag/scripts/html2iso.sed Or: wget -qO - http://www.asciiartfarts.com/random.cgi | sed -n '//,//p' | sed -n '/ Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
Just run it [NSFW]
```
2

wget -qO - http://www.asciiartfarts.com/random.cgi | sed -n '/<pre>/,/<\/pre>/p' | sed -n '/<table*/,/<\/table>/p' | sed '1d' | sed '$d' | recode html..ascii

krunktron · 2013-08-17 19:42:47 10
Random quote from Borat -- no html parsing

Turns out smacie.com has a text file containing every single one of the borat quotes, each one on a newline. This makes it very convenient, as this can be done without any sed-parsing, and uses less bandwitdth! Note that borate quotes are quite offensive, much more so than "fortunes-off"! Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
(Insert [highly offensive] borat quote)
```
2

curl -s "http://smacie.com/randomizer/borat.txt" | shuf -n 1 -

benjabean1 · 2014-12-16 04:18:48 11
Random quote from Borat

I improved a bit on the original by only using sed and extracting the quote with a matching group. Use -nE for sed on Mac OSX Use -nr for sed on Linux. Warning! The quotes from Borat are definitely offensive. Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film. If it not success, I will be execute.
```
1

curl -s http://smacie.com/randomizer/borat.html | sed -nE "s# *<td valign=\"top\"><big><big><big>(.*)</big></big></big></td>#\1#p"

phymata · 2012-07-18 21:31:43 4
commit message generator - whatthecommit.com

If you don't have html2text Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
put code that worked where the code that didn't used to be
```
0

curl -s 'http://whatthecommit.com/' | grep '' | cut -c4-

hputman · 2011-11-04 14:37:36 4
Simplest web server ever!

-l, listen mode -k, --keep-open run as a daemon open in browser then http://localhost:5432 and voila! breathing! Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
/home/me> curl localhost:5432
My Web Server is Alive
```
0

nc -k -l 5432 -c 'echo My Web Server is Alive'

gvitalie · 2013-11-12 16:11:56 1435
See how many times you've typed 'ls' by itself

I seem to do this compulsively every time I change directories, sometimes even when I don't, even if I know exactly what I need to do. (Don't worry, the sample output is just an exaggeration. :) Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
23934729
```
0

grep -cx ls ~/.bash_history

Sparkette · 2016-09-14 17:06:59 17
Check in current directory to SVN with commical/terrible commit message. (Please don't actually run this command!)

DO NOT RUN this command! THIS WILL CHECK IN ALL CHANGES IN THE CURRENT DIRECTORY TO SUBVERSION WITH A TERRIBLE COMMIT MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
I know what I am doing. Trust me.
```
-1

svn ci -m "$(curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | sed -n '//,/<\/p>/p' | sed '$d' | sed 's///')"

zbeekman · 2011-04-14 15:05:14 4
commit message generator - whatthecommit.com

Requires html2text. Print bad, but often funny commit messages from whatthecommit.com Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
I don't know what these changes are supposed to accomplish but somebody told me
to make them.
```
-1

curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | html2text | sed '$d'

zbeekman · 2011-04-14 16:51:53 5
commit message generator - whatthecommit.com

Fetch comical VC commit messages from whatthecommit.com Show Sample Output
This is sample output - yours may be different.
```
Obligatory placeholder commit message
```
-2

curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | sed -n '//,/<\/p>/p' | sed '$d' | sed 's///'

zbeekman · 2011-04-14 14:58:11 4
commit message generator - whatthecommit.com

Fetch comical VC commit messages from whatthecommit.com
This is sample output - yours may be different.
-4

lynx -dump -nolist http://whatthecommit.com/|sed -n 2p

houghi · 2011-04-17 17:45:18 6
figlet
This is sample output - yours may be different.
-6

figlet -f roman message

ekinertac · 2013-04-23 02:25:39 13

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Calculate the distance between two geographic coordinates points (latitude longitude)

The Haversine formula determines the great-circle distance between two points on a sphere given their longitudes and latitudes.

The scene in the Shining (Stanley Kubrick)

Let's take a rest. How about watch a horror? The Shining http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shining_(film)

Get AWS temporary credentials ready to export based on a MFA virtual appliance

You might want to secure your AWS operations requiring to use a MFA token. But then to use API or tools, you need to pass credentials generated with a MFA token. This commands asks you for the MFA code and retrieves these credentials using AWS Cli. To print the exports, you can use: `awk '{ print "export AWS_ACCESS_KEY_ID=\"" $1 "\"\n" "export AWS_SECRET_ACCESS_KEY=\"" $2 "\"\n" "export AWS_SESSION_TOKEN=\"" $3 "\"" }'` You must adapt the command line to include: * $MFA_IDis ARN of the virtual MFA or serial number of the physical one * TTL for the credentials

List the biggest accessible files/dirs in current directory, sorted

Recursive Ownership Change

Changing files ownership in a directory recursivley from a user to another

Finding the number of cpu's

Show most common words in filenames

I'm sure there's a more elegant sed version for the tr + grep section.

sends your internal IP by email

This is useful if you have need to do port forwarding and your router doesn't assign static IPs, you can add it to a script in a cron job that checks if you IP as recently changed or with a trigger script. This was tested on Mac OSX.

Open (in vim) all modified files in a git repository

The option --porcelain makes the output of git easier to parse. This one-liner may not work if there is a space in the modified file name.

Save your terminal commands in bash history in real time

Use this command if you want your terminal commands be saved in your history file in real time instead of waiting until the terminal is closed

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Commands tagged funny (16)

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