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Commands tagged funny from sorted by
Terminal - Commands tagged funny - 14 results
curl -s "http://smacie.com/randomizer/borat.txt" | shuf -n 1 -
2014-12-16 04:18:48
User: benjabean1
2

Turns out smacie.com has a text file containing every single one of the borat quotes, each one on a newline. This makes it very convenient, as this can be done without any sed-parsing, and uses less bandwitdth!

Note that borate quotes are quite offensive, much more so than "fortunes-off"!

nc -k -l 5432 -c 'echo My Web Server is Alive'
2013-11-12 16:11:56
User: gvitalie
0

-l, listen mode

-k, --keep-open run as a daemon

open in browser then http://localhost:5432

and voila! breathing!

wget -qO - http://www.asciiartfarts.com/random.cgi | sed -n '/<pre>/,/<\/pre>/p' | sed -n '/<table*/,/<\/table>/p' | sed '1d' | sed '$d' | recode html..ascii
figlet -f roman message
curl -s http://smacie.com/randomizer/borat.html | sed -nE "s# *<td valign=\"top\"><big><big><big><font face=\"Comic Sans MS\">(.*)</font></big></big></big></td>#\1#p"
2012-07-18 21:31:43
User: phymata
Functions: sed
1

I improved a bit on the original by only using sed and extracting the quote with a matching group.

Use -nE for sed on Mac OSX

Use -nr for sed on Linux.

Warning! The quotes from Borat are definitely offensive.

curl http://whatthecommit.com/index.txt
curl -s 'http://whatthecommit.com/' | grep '<p>' | cut -c4-
grep -2riP '\b(fuck|shit|bitch|tits|ass\b)' /usr/src/linux/
lynx -dump -nolist http://whatthecommit.com/|sed -n 2p
2011-04-17 17:45:18
User: houghi
Functions: sed
-4

Fetch comical VC commit messages from whatthecommit.com

curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | html2text | sed '$d'
2011-04-14 16:51:53
User: zbeekman
Functions: sed
-1

Requires html2text. Print bad, but often funny commit messages from whatthecommit.com

svn ci -m "$(curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | sed -n '/<p>/,/<\/p>/p' | sed '$d' | sed 's/<p>//')"
2011-04-14 15:05:14
User: zbeekman
0

DO NOT RUN this command! THIS WILL CHECK IN ALL CHANGES IN THE CURRENT DIRECTORY TO SUBVERSION WITH A TERRIBLE COMMIT MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

curl -s http://whatthecommit.com | sed -n '/<p>/,/<\/p>/p' | sed '$d' | sed 's/<p>//'
<commmand>; if [[ "$?" = 0 ]]; then echo ':)'; else echo ':('; fi
2010-08-23 20:35:31
User: potatoface
Functions: echo
Tags: fun funny
3

you could save the code between if and fi to a shell script named smiley.sh with the first argument as and then do a smiley.sh to see if the command succeeded. a bit needless but who cares ;)

curl -s http://bash.org/?random1|grep -oE "<p class=\"quote\">.*</p>.*</p>"|grep -oE "<p class=\"qt.*?</p>"|sed -e 's/<\/p>/\n/g' -e 's/<p class=\"qt\">//g' -e 's/<p class=\"qt\">//g'|perl -ne 'use HTML::Entities;print decode_entities($_),"\n"'|head -1
2009-05-07 13:13:21
User: Iftah
Functions: grep head perl sed
7

bash.org is a collection of funny quotes from IRC.

WARNING: some of the quotes contain "adult" jokes... may be embarrassing if your boss sees them...

Thanks to Chen for the idea and initial version!

This script downloads a page with random quotes, filters the html to retrieve just one liners quotes and outputs the first one.

Just barely under the required 255 chars :)

Improvment:

You can replace the head -1 at the end by:

awk 'length($0)>0 {printf( $0 "\n%%\n" )}' > bash_quotes.txt

which will separate the quotes with a "%" and place it in the file.

and then:

strfile bash_quotes.txt

which will make the file ready for the fortune command

and then you can:

fortune bash_quotes.txt

which will give you a random quote from those in the downloaded file.

I download a file periodically and then use the fortune in .bashrc so I see a funny quote every time I open a terminal.